The worst present I have ever given was... Unfortunately late one Christmas Eve I hurried out to purchase Christmas presents for my whole family, but as you do, bumped into some friends and had a couple of beers. And at 2.00am Christmas morning there aren't too many shops still open, so everyone in the entire family received a boxed set of 6 Pepsi glasses from the bar that I worked in. BUT IT’S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS

The worst present I have ever received was... A 5-foot roll of bubble wrap from the Phoenix Secret Santa - (broke my back, arm and nose within the same 9 months)

If I could have anything I wanted for Christmas, this year I would ask for... A new knee (accident prone – see above)

The worst cracker joke I ever heard was... What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? DAM

At Christmas I will drink... Lots and lots

My favourite food at Christmas is... Beer

The worst Christmas song ever is... Mistletoe and wine